Saying goodbye

This past week we had to say goodbye to our beloved dog Taylor. Taylor came to us right after Eric and I moved to Illinois in the first year of our marriage. She was the best dog and loved by all. She was so gentle with kids, never knew a stranger and was in heaven just to be rubbed. The move to Texas proved to be to much stress for her old age and she was in a great deal of pain due to a tumor on her spleen that ruptured. Even though she was in so much pain she never complained. She was amazingly smart she could take a bowl full of cereal and milk off the table to the floor(so she could eat it) without spilling. She could also open the gate of chain link fences with her nose. She was awesome and we dearly loved her. She was my pal, my friend, and in a lot of ways besides my kids one of the best things I found after moving from Texas to Illinois. Taylor was special. The kind of dog that leaves you a better person because of knowing her. Yeah I know that is a cheesy remark but it is true. She was truly a part of our family and saying goodbye was one of the hardest things we've had to do. The grief we feel is real. She is and will be greatly missed.

December

This move has been nothing what we imagined. When Eric told me he felt God moving him on I pictured us as a family in a home of our own in Texas. Instead we still remain a part. He in San Antonio and the kids and I here in central Texas three hours away. It is getting close to three months. Frustration and unmet expectations visit me each day. I didn't sign up for this. I didn't sign up to be raising 5 children on my own. I didn't get married so that I could live a part from my spouse. If I wanted to do that Eric could of stayed in the military but being together after his 13 month deployment to Korea during our engagement was enough for us. This is not what I dreamed of when I dreamt of moving back to Texas. This is not what is best for our family and I wonder if we have made a big mistake. Mentally I am not doing well. Insomnia and anxiety plague me. I want to go home. I want my own home. I want to live as a family again. I want to sleep with my husband.