Little Ole Me

When I first joined the HELD team I felt entirely inadequate.  There I was surrounded by very talented ladies, they could write and make it sound wonderful, make it make sense, women who were published writers and then there was me. I am not exactly Jane Austen if you haven't noticed, far from it, but then I started to pray the Lord would use me in whatever aspect he wanted and show me where that place was.

One day driving the kids to Mother's Day Out I started to pray as I often do. At the time the Held team was searching for content contributors as they geared up to launch and I wanted to help. I am pretty good at name dropping but for this I was coming up empty. I was just praying while driving that God would lead me to the right people and then BANG I heard it Julie Lessman. My favorite fiction author! So I suggested the team contact her and what do you know she is the guest blogger on HELD today!

So it may be a little thing but hey I know this is one time God used me. The one that often stumbles over my words. Little Ole Me. By the way pick up one of her Daughters of Boston books. You won't regret it!

Sacrifice

The subject of sacrifice has been a hot topic in my world lately. It's a tough subject for me because I sacrificed a lot in my teenage years for my family. The normal teenage activities are foreign to me. Which is probably why I don't understand Facebook dating.

Oh my growing up years were no hardship mind you. My parents were caring and godly. I had close relationships with my siblings. The circumstances of life happened and I was, dare I say forced, into a role that was full of responsibility and sacrifice. Picture it. Younger siblings ten and fifteen years younger. The newest family addition seventeen years younger born with a life threatening birth defect. My parents were in and out of hospitals and there I was playing Mom to my younger sisters. When most kids were having parties, going to proms, dating, I was grocery shopping at Walmart with a seven and two year old! Back then teen pregnancy wasn't exactly popular so when the cashier would make a comment such as(let me pull one of the million I've heard out of my head) "Oh you are so young to be a Mom!" I learned to say "OH no these are my sisters not my kids!" .

Even more recently when Grace was near a year old, I was getting my hair done at a shop while I was in Texas visiting. My Sister ten years my junior was holding Grace, the hairdresser asked me. are you ready? remember I am like twenty six years old. drum roll "Is that your granddaughter!". I seriously wanted to walk right out of that place, hair undone and all and never come back. Now of course the lady was talking about Grace and not my Sister. I am sure she thought Grace was my Sisters child but REALLY? I mean REALLY? I have referred to myself as old ever since.

When God asked me to give up going to college away from home I got really angry. It took a while to wrap my head around. I had dreams of moving across the country to Boston to attend college. I had never envisioned myself living at home throughout my young adult life. The time I was suppose to go out into the world and become an adult. He wanted me at home to help my family. He wanted me to sacrifice the most important days of my life. My Dreams of schooling, of moving far from home, my dreams of writing music. He required me to lay my dreams on his alter. He was asking me to give them to him. My dreams I had held since I was a child.  He asked me to be there for my family and die to myself. I chose to and although I will not be rewarded this side of heaven. I can be assured that maybe, just maybe he will say to me "Good job my daughter, well done!" and that my friends will make that hairdressers question worth it!

What are you sacrificing for the cross? Is God asking you to give up something up for his purpose? If he is how can I pray for you?

Exit Stage Left

Friday morning I pulled my back out but thankfully I was able to attend the kids Mother's Day Out end of the year program. I paid for it later but still it was important for me to be there to watch Jonah, Micah, and Kerith sing their songs. Oh and it was a goody!

Guess who made a really funny memory? Did your mind directly go to the comedian and trouble maker of the bunch? If you guessed Kerith you were correct! It was about half way through the program when the little Miss broke out crying and had to be escorted off the stage. Watch for yourself....Yes just a glimpse of our precious Kerith.

Storms, Storms Everywhere!

I am not a fan of tornado season. When I was 17 an EF-5(which is the highest on the scale) tornado ripped through a town just south of where I grew up and was living. I remember the day well I was sick with strep throat and tonsillitis. The whole town was ripped off the map. So since then I have been even more apprehensive when it comes to stormy weather.

This year has been a really bad year for tornadoes here in the midwest not to mention in the South as well. An EF-4 it the St. Louis area on Good Friday and just a couple days ago a large tornado hit Joplin and has devastated the town. The loss of life has been great, the loss of homes so severe, these people have nothing left but each other. These tragic events make me wonder what God is doing. I sit here writing and know that the weather people have predicted more storms and tornadoes today and tomorrow. God is sovereign. God is still in control. He is merciful. He is mighty. I pray his comfort will put a balm on the aching hearts.

"Sovereign LORD, my strong deliverer, you shield my head in the day of battle."

Psalm 140:7

Bedridden

This weekend has not gone as planned AT ALL! Friday morning my back went out and it went out good. It was the worst pain I've had EVER. I could barely walk and when I did walk I was literally screaming in pain. Thankfully I was able to get to the Chiropractor and start treatments. Praise the Lord for Chiropractors!  The whole back issue has reminded me of Paul and his thorn in his flesh. My back has been an issue since I fell down the stairs in college. The Emergency room diagnosed it as a sprain but years later I would find out that I had fractured a vertebrae and it had healed improperly. Not only that but the trauma to my spine and pregnancy had caused a herniated disc in my lumbar region. Talk about ouch!

So I've been in bed this weekend, well actually on the sofa trying to heal up so I can enjoy life again. I have a new found desire to get in shape and get these muscles stronger. Just the motivation I needed. I hope you are doing well but if you are struggling can I encourage you to spur on. Easier said than done I know. Can I lift you up to the Father? There is nothing I like more than to be down and praying so if you feel led to leave a request I will pray for you. Eyes on the prize! Keep running the race!

The Only One that Matters

There is a sense of vulnerability that came with posting my song across the web. I posted Carissa's Melody here on my blog and also shared it on a much more popular blog than my own. Not one person responded! Had my parents lied to me? Was I not really that good? Maybe my ears were telling a lie. The melody was beautiful wasn't it? It is humbling to share something so dear, to put myself out there and wonder if it had an impact. For something like this sharing it was like feeling naked. It felt like another rejection. My expectation was that I would have people say what a beautiful song it was but what I got instead was silence. Nothing. My day dreams were shattered. There I was wondering what on earth was going on and his voice, the voice that often came in silent times like the one I was currently experiencing, came ever so soft. Whose approval are you trying to win?  

It was the truth. I was trying to win the approval of those around me. Once again trying to fit in. Once again trying to gain acceptance when he had already embraced me. Trying to be popular when he had already fashioned me with a gift of playing music. I need to use my gifts. He desires me to use my gifts. He wants me to use them for his GLORY! I need to use them for HIM and not popularity. He may be the only one listening but he is the only one that counts. I will continue to play for my audience of one, for HE is the one that created me to play even if my songs are only heard by him.

 ^{Galatians 1:10-12(The message)}

Do you think I speak this strongly in order to manipulate crowds? Or curry favor with God? Or get popular applause? If my goal was popularity, I wouldn't bother being Christ's slave. Know this—I am most emphatic here, friends—this great Message I delivered to you is not mere human optimism. I didn't receive it through the traditions, and I wasn't taught it in some school. I got it straight from God, received the Message directly from Jesus Christ.

Celebration number six

Today marks Grace's sixth birthday! Yes that is me in the picture in my skinnier days. Our first child. She is just finishing up Kindergarten and loves it. She is quite the reader now and loves to try to teach her younger siblings. She is much like her Mom and is shy when you first meet her, then she will gain your trust and open up more and more. She loves the outdoors and playing cars and house with Jonah. She also loves to write...takes after someone else I know. We are blessed to be her parents. I am blessed to her Mom, she challenges me with bedtime spiritual questions like "Mom what is heaven like?" what a special gift to be able to make her Mom think and remind her of Christ.

 But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, ⁵ made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.

Ephesians 2: 4 & 5

The eaten post

Blogger crashed and so with it went my post for today. I even had it scheduled! So instead

Listen to my song I wrote when I was around fifteen. It is a long story and I don't have time to write at the moment. I am happy to be playing again, playing my songs!

A Backyard tour

I needed an outlet so yesterday I took my camera out and took it into my yard. This is what I came up with.
Enjoy God's beauty, I know I did!

Psalm 121

Psalm 121

A Pilgrim Song

 ^1-2 I look up to the mountains; does my strength come from mountains?
   No, my strength comes from God,
      who made heaven, and earth, and mountains.

 ^3-4 He won't let you stumble,
      your Guardian God won't fall asleep.
   Not on your life! Israel's
      Guardian will never doze or sleep.

 ^5-6 God's your Guardian,
      right at your side to protect you—
   Shielding you from sunstroke,
      sheltering you from moonstroke.

 ^7-8 God guards you from every evil,
      he guards your very life.
   He guards you when you leave and when you return,
      he guards you now, he guards you always.

New Car, New Clothes

Eric has been asking Grace what she would like to do for her Mom on Mother's Day. Her first answer has me wondering, she said "some pretty clothes". I am not sure if I should be offended or questioning my less than stellar clothing attire. Hmm...out of the mouths of babes right?

Eric asked her again last night what she wanted to do. I liked this answer much more. She said "a new car!" So she has set the bar pretty high this Mother's day but not even new clothes or a new car could make me happier than being her Mom. I will treasure in my heart the little look on her face as she whispered  her answers into her Daddy's ear. Yes I have much to be thankful for.

Cough Cough

Yeah that is me. My allergies are terrible this season. I had this awesome post planned but haven't gotten a chance to write down my thoughts to paper. Yes, I prefer to write with a pen ON paper. I know, I know, call me old fashioned. Anyway things have not gone as planned this week. Do they ever? Sick kids AGAIN. Good grief, right? I know you are tired of hearing about it, I am tired of writing it! But my rainbow this week is despite illness I have gotten to make soap three days in a row. I had to. When I am stressed I bake things and well all my baking goes straight to my tummy and thighs. Soap making is a little more calorie friendly and takes the baking urge away. So now my house as an over abundance of soap. Eric calls it a soaping binge. I call it surviving.

Our Easter Photo Shoot

I figured I didn't want to spend a whole lot of money on pictures and decided to use my own photography skills to get the kids Easter pictures. I must say I think they came out pretty well :D

God's Beauty