Saying goodbye

This past week we had to say goodbye to our beloved dog Taylor. Taylor came to us right after Eric and I moved to Illinois in the first year of our marriage. She was the best dog and loved by all. She was so gentle with kids, never knew a stranger and was in heaven just to be rubbed. The move to Texas proved to be to much stress for her old age and she was in a great deal of pain due to a tumor on her spleen that ruptured. Even though she was in so much pain she never complained. She was amazingly smart she could take a bowl full of cereal and milk off the table to the floor(so she could eat it) without spilling. She could also open the gate of chain link fences with her nose. She was awesome and we dearly loved her. She was my pal, my friend, and in a lot of ways besides my kids one of the best things I found after moving from Texas to Illinois. Taylor was special. The kind of dog that leaves you a better person because of knowing her. Yeah I know that is a cheesy remark but it is true. She was truly a part of our family and saying goodbye was one of the hardest things we've had to do. The grief we feel is real. She is and will be greatly missed.

December

This move has been nothing what we imagined. When Eric told me he felt God moving him on I pictured us as a family in a home of our own in Texas. Instead we still remain a part. He in San Antonio and the kids and I here in central Texas three hours away. It is getting close to three months. Frustration and unmet expectations visit me each day. I didn't sign up for this. I didn't sign up to be raising 5 children on my own. I didn't get married so that I could live a part from my spouse. If I wanted to do that Eric could of stayed in the military but being together after his 13 month deployment to Korea during our engagement was enough for us. This is not what I dreamed of when I dreamt of moving back to Texas. This is not what is best for our family and I wonder if we have made a big mistake. Mentally I am not doing well. Insomnia and anxiety plague me. I want to go home. I want my own home. I want to live as a family again. I want to sleep with my husband.

The kids are growing

The Most Wonderful time of the year

It's suppose to be the most wonderful time of the year. It is my favorite time of the year. This year I am afraid will be different. All our family traditions and things we use to look forward to are put on hold because we have no home. It's been 7 weeks since we arrived in Texas. Our house IS finally on the market as of this week but the kids and I are still stuck living with my family until it's rented. There has been many comments made to me about needing to be thankful you have family taking you in, this is just a season, try to find something to do to make the time pass quicker. It's like pouring salt on an open wound. Yes it is in fact just a season but it doesn't change the fact that this season is rather stressful. I have threatened more than once to go back to Illinois and live in my empty home until someone rents it. Sharing a room with five kids and dogs has not been easy and it sure isn't fun. The kids schedule is messed up so most days they are whiny and sleep deprived not to mention missing their Dad. My protector and spiritual leader is not present and I am feeling lots of spiritual attacks. So I am whiny. So I may sound ungrateful. At least I am honest. Don't ever take for granted being in your own home, running things your way, kids having their own space, you having your own space, you having your own bathroom, a mess you can clean up when you want to, people coming over only if you invite them. You know things like that. Maybe this year I will be scrooge.

Stressfully exhausted

I don't have a lot of exciting things to write about. It's mostly the same. Not much change since my last post. Still living with my parents in central Texas while Eric works in San Antonio. Still don't have the Illinois house on the market. That has been one stress after the other. If you think about it pray for us. Our whole living situation revolves around the house being rented. I have been fighting a lot of my depression symptoms again and my family around me fails to understand that. The one person in my life, my husband, who understands me, and loves me through all my issues is gone and in a lot of ways he is the glue that holds me together. It's hard to remain focused and encouraged right now. I feel pulled in every direction imaginable. The expectations of family members is tough to deal with. Sharing my opinions seems to do more damage than good which is why I am here writing. I need a space, my own space. My own environment where I can freely express how I feel and what I am dealing with without the fear of angry rebuttal or hurting someones feelings. My expectations have not been met and that makes me angry. We've been here 4 weeks and our house still sits empty and not on the market because of issues with the property management company. Yeah it is probably all trivial things to you but it's ok. The recent events of my life have been intensely stressful on me, to the point this week I thought I might check into a mental hospital. I am exhausted. I am tired of stepping on toes, real toes. I am in a valley. I suppose I am learning whatever God is trying to get me to learn. Servanthood maybe? I am not sure yet. One thing is for sure change and I aren't friends and I am a lot weaker than I thought. I don't mean that to be negative but as factual. I am an intense introvert who thrives on space and is easily exhausted by external things. Eric and I got to spend a night in a free hotel together this past weekend. We had an appointment for our design for the house we are building(which is another thing that if the house in Illinois doesn't rent we will lose the house we are building) I was asleep by 8. I can't think of another time I had been so exhausted except right after the twins were born. Hopefully not to much longer here. I am so eager to get an apartment or something and be a family and start exploring our new home town but until the house in IL is rented well we are stuck. I am closing it out. It's Sunday night and I only have a few more hours with Eric before he wakes me up early in the morning to say goodbye for the week. Monday's always require lots of coffee.

Changes

*SIGH* is that a good enough post.

We're here, now what?

Four months ago Eric said God was leading him out of Illinois. We waited a long time and on September 18th found out we were moving to Texas. Here we are I and the kids are living in a small bedroom in my parents house in central Texas, Eric is three hours away in San Antonio working and living with a friend during the week. I am sure in a year or so I will look back on this time and laugh but right now it's not fun. I was comfortable in Illinois. I had every single comfort I wanted. But you got what you wanted right? I can hear those questions run through your mind. I am not sure one ever wants to be pulled out of their comfort zone but sure I am back in Texas the land that I love.

I had not envisioned the challenges I would face. Living with family who constantly has people in and out. I am an introvert so it is exhausting to have people coming and going. Yes as a kid it was the same way but I had my own space. Now my space also includes five children and two dogs. There is no 'me' time. I have thought a lot about running away from home this week.(this is a joke by the way)

and there is being without my husband and trying to go on with life with our five children who feel their Mom's emotions and are out of whack too.

Could it be worse? sure it could.

Saying Goodbye

Hopefully by the time this is posted we will be on the road to Texas. It has been a long wait. We finally found out if we were moving 10 days ago. It's been whirlwind with packing and packing but thankfully with the help of friends and family we got it all done. So we are off 5 kids, 4 adults, 2 dogs, a van and a 26ft truck!

Weight Loss Progress

In limbo

I don't know about you but I hate being in limbo. Where everything is stopped as you wait for the final decision. This is where my family is right now. Currently waiting to hear if we will be moving and relocating to Texas. I am praying we will hear soon, although we aren't expected to hear anything until later in the month. Everything is in limbo, if we go ahead and plan for the kids to go to their school it will be money lost, if we plan to homeschool and don't get the job then we lose the slots. Then there is the whole house situation and a slew of everything else. I need to remember to breathe. I don't do well in limbo. I never have ask my parents. This whole situation is eerily similar to one my husband took me on ten years ago right before we married.

He had just separated from the Army in May, no job but knew something awesome would come a long, and it did TWO weeks before we married in August he interviewed and AFTER we got back from our honeymoon he had an offer letter to come to Illinois.

This current showdown started back in May after returning from a trip to Texas. "Carissa I just feel God moving us" he said. Two weeks later his boss happens to mention to his boss that E was looking to relocate to Texas, less than forty eight hours later on our way to Texas for a family emergency E receives an email letting him know the hiring manager for the job in Texas would like to speak with him, less than forty eight hours after that an interview is set up and we just happen to be in Texas. He pretty much HAS the job but we have to wait and see IF the contract is accepted. The contract has technically already been accepted but someone messed up on the first one and forgot to put these 7 new positions one in which E interviewed for so they had to re-submit this time with E's resume included as well as six others. So we WAIT...and WAIT...

To be continued...hopefully sometime soon.

Nightmare

Oswald Chambers wrote “Before God can use a man greatly he must wound him deeply.” 

I've always known this to be true but this week I, along with my family were again wounded deeply. A young daughter, my little sister, a wonderful aunt was the victim of a violent sexual crime. Such news that knocks every word you have out of your mouth and only produces silence and groaning. Groaning only the Holy Spirit can interrupt for us. Such grief that leaves you curled in a ball weeping hysterically looking for ANY sign that God is still God.
Violated, wounded, helpless, heartbroken, and yet those terms do not come close to giving a clear picture of the pain. BUT...

There is ONE who knows and even if he feels so far away right now I KNOW he is HERE. 

^{Psalm 119: 49-50 
49} Remember your word to your servant
 for you have given me hope
 ⁵⁰ My comfort in my suffering is this: 
Your promise preserves my life.

You Lead, I'll follow

Oswald Chambers said, "Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One Who is leading."

There has been a lot of changes happening in our house lately. The changes started small with me stepping down from being a moderator from a forum I dearly love, then my weight loss journey started, then another small change and again another. The most recent is something I thought would never happen again and that is leaving Illinois. I have written about it numerous times how I have struggled with contentment here and written how God had given me what I needed to be content in all circumstances, things like snow and gardening had become my gifts.

I was content and happily looking forward to my five acres in the country and the little farm I had envisioned but my little world was disrupted last week when my husband told me he was updating his resume and posting it online. Lots of talking followed. Lots. The thought of uprooting my family scared me but the possibility of having the carrot dangled in front of me scared me more. You see we have had opportunities to move back to Texas a few times but never had felt peace about our decision so we turned down the positions. I groaned, moaned and even became angry at having to think about the possibility of moving to somewhere more desirable, somewhere like Texas, someplace where family was close.

I guess I don't need to say I have been desperately praying this week both hubby and I have. Two weeks ago moving wasn't even a speck on the radar but now it is a very real possibility. We are not sure what God is doing but we know for sure that he is doing something in our lives and we desire to obey him.

I know one thing for sure, I have seen evidence of God's leading looking back over our lives. Who puts their house up for sell in the worst market in housing history, finds out they are expecting, then finds out they are expecting twins and has the house sell three months later? Yes I have a big God and I do look forward to where God is going with this even if the ride keeps us here because I know no ride is pointless and there is always a lesson to learn.

Memorial Day!

This Weekend is Memorial Day weekend. I am trying very hard to instill in my kids love of country so during our Texas visit we got to visit Fort Hood which happens to be the area I grew up and also one the largest US military installations in the world. Ft. hood is also the place where hubby and I met.
Jonah and Micah besides a Japanese Tank.

 The kids and Dad wanted a picture of Daddy's military vehicle so they posed.

 Kerith loved this big truck she thought it was cool that she could stand under it.

Happy Memorial Day. I hope you find time to thank a service member for serving our country during your Memorial Day cookouts. We take much for granted in our country. God bless the USA.

Cheering

In my life I have struggled with how I process words. Without body language and seeing a person it is really hard for me to get a read on what a person is saying. First it was infertility then miscarriage and now it is weight loss. I never thought my weight loss journey would be an area people would find  things to say that would have a negative impact on me but I was wrong. I also realize that although the intent of some words are meant to encourage and build up they also can have the opposite affect. Yes, I am considered morbidly obese, I get that but it is one thing for me to say it and another for someone else to point it out. I don't need to be reminded how far I need to go. I don't need to be given pointers unless asked for. I need cheerleaders. I need cheers. Recently the comment "You must be feeling better" has seemed to pop up on numerous occasions and from numerous people. Now I know people have not intended to cause pain but let me share with you how I interpret that comment and it goes in like this "I'm glad you are finally doing something about how fat you are" I get that they have no idea how my mind processes things like this or maybe they do I am not sure but I am giving them the benefit of the doubt. The vulnerability I have right now dealing with my abuse issues is hard enough, the changes in my looks seem to be making me a bit more touchy and that comment doesn't take me anywhere I want to go. Was I a fat miserable person? I don't think I was or am. Do I have baggage. Yes what person doesn't. The losing weight battle has gone on for years, I've been trying for years and comments like "you must be feeling better" only remind me of my failure and the past. A simple you go girl would be perfectly fine. Cheerleaders cheer to keep their team moving and motivated, the cheers don't bring up the past only the future and what they know their team is capable of: Winning.

A Salvation Story

Our last night in Texas we had the most wonderful surprise, Jonah our five and half year old, gave his life to Christ. His Paw-paw had the privilege of praying with him and you could see the sparkle in his eyes. We had thought Jonah was getting close to making a decision about Jesus since he has been asking tons of questions about salvation and his older sister has been doing a fine job of witnessing to him. So on May 17th, 2012 we will now celebrate Jonah's birth into Christ. What an amazing gift. We look forward to watching what God has planned for his life.

Isn't she lovely?

While we were in Texas we had the opportunity to celebrate Grace's birthday with family. Smiles all around.

She loved the pool!

Happy Birthday to our beautiful daughter Grace! We prayed so very hard for you sweet girl and praise the Lord that God allowed us to be your parents. You are growing into quite the young lady. One who loves Jesus and loves teaching others about him. We hope you will continue to love Jesus with all your heart and spread his love to others. We love you sweet Grace! Mom and Dad.

Resurrection

You don't see me you never do, the chocolate eyes that pass right through.
Invisible I am to you, a love given but never received, a heart offered and never retrieved.
What do I hold if not you, what else can I give if my heart won't do.
An endless dream you haunt my mind, a cold wind but a place in time.

You don't see me you never do, the girl who stands in front of you.
There was a day I would cry because of your rejection but I have come to love the day of my resurrection. For what I offered you did not take and for that choice I am in a better place.

 -Carissa
(Dedicated to all my teenage friends feeling like love will never find them)
.

Conversations with kids...

 April Edition:

Kerith looking at her swimsuit "I love my parachute" not sure why she thinks a swimsuit is a parachute. 

 Today in the van I helped Jonah with a word on hanging with friends he exclaimed "mom you are a genius!" when he spelled it correctly and the game accepted it. I will treasure these compliments because I am sure he will hate me in a few years from now.

The twins are in timeout in their bedrooms until my anger simmers down. They decided to take off their clothes and go for a swim in the bathtub(work out interruption number one) and then after I told them to get out they decided to get naked again and take a bath in the sink yes the sink and take all the kids toothbrushes and scrub the mirror with them. 

 Micah "Mom Mom we found a wholly wholly!" do you know what a wholly wholly is? Rollie Poly :)

  I posted these before but wanted to have all of them in one place.

Jonah before bed. "Mom tonight I am going to dream about desserts falling from the sky and you know what no adults will be allowed to eat it, only kids"

 Micah on the potty: "I need to go to my bathroom yours is not working" me: "Micah it has nothing to do with the potty you have to make yourself go pee pee it doesn't do it for you." Micah "uhh un yours needs batteries"

Searching for eggs

 Easter just passed. The kids were thoroughly excited about the three Easter eggs hunts they were able to participate in. I am not sure if they were more excited about finding the eggs themselves or the surprise inside.  Some pictures of our family hunt in our backyard. As you can see Taylor enjoyed finding the eggs too, she followed Micah around helping him sniff for eggs :D

Weight Loss Journey

I began a new program called Isagenix the last week of March. Today I have lost a total of 57 inches. Isagenix focuses you on ridding your body of toxins which is why they tell you to measure and not weigh because the scale can be all over the place as you go through the process. It has totally changed my life and I am so thankful that God has used this program in my life to help me get back to being healthy. Yes I still have a long road to go(Please don't say that to my face I already know!) but I am happy with how far I've come in the past 4 weeks. I am now entering week five. Hubby Eric is my biggest cheerleader a long with the rest of my ISA team. I am going from the Soccer mom sitting on the sidelines to the Soccer mom running around with the kids. I am going to do this. Watch me.

The road to healing

I've fought over this post for a while trying to put my words into sentences in order for it to make sense. Here is the bottom line. I was abused emotionally, verbally, and physically growing up. I am not sure why there is such shame in those words, why it has stayed hidden behind so many walls from the time I was released into adulthood. Oh and I know the questions that come to your mind like,"who did this to you?" but is it that important to know who if you really love and care for me? My answer is no.

I sat at my computer one day on facebook.  Another invitation to join a group to support someone going through a rough time. My third in the same day and seventh of the week. I moaned and anger broke through, Why did all these people ALWAYS want something from me? Didn't they know my head was barely above water? Then the voice came, my own voice They aren't mind readers you know, they know you will pray if nothing else and yet I was still angry. Angry that I was the faithful, loyal and obedient one, angry that my secret was something no one took as seriously as battling a physical illness. Where were all these people when I needed them? These same people cheering others onto the finish line were nowhere. I felt abandoned. After all what do you say to someone trying to heal from past abuse? How do you support them? How do you help them heal? Yeah, I don't know. I imagine it is a lot like grieving though. There have been days where I've just wanted someone to weep with me. There have been days when I have needed the affirmation that it is ok to be angry. There have been days when all I needed was someone to stop and pray with me. Years of carrying this secret because everyone thought my life was perfect, the perfect family, the perfect parents, the perfect life. Years of hurt and wounds from not being protected from my abuser. Anger over, if there were boundaries set the outcome might of been different. I will allow myself to feel the grief and the anger. I won't hide anymore in shame because people think my life is perfect when it has never been. I won't hide and keep holding this secret for fear of disappointing people. It is what God has given me, it is evil but I know God will make it good. I will let God use whatever he has planned for these scars for his Glory. I know he won't ever abandon me and I know he is carrying me now.

Hebrews 4:14-16 (The Message)

[ The High Priest Who Cried Out in Pain ] Now that we know what we have—Jesus, this great High Priest with ready access to God—let's not let it slip through our fingers. We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all—all but the sin. So let's walk right up to him and get what he is so ready to give. Take the mercy, accept the help.

I am taking HIS Mercy and accepting HIS help.

Yay me my April Transformation!

I am so proud I started Isagenix the very end of March 4 weeks later I have lost 52 inches! I am not entering week 5 and up to 57 inches, I am so very thankful that God put someone in my path that introduced me to this program! www.teamfulkerson.isagenix.com

Easter

Conversations with Kids

Micah on the potty, we have been working on potty training: Micah "I need to go to my bathroom yours is not working" me: "Micah it has nothing to do with the potty you have to make yourself go pee pee it doesn't do it for you." Micah "uhh un yours needs batteries" this made me giggle this week.

Jonah before bed. "Mom tonight I am going to dream about desserts falling from the sky and you know what no adults will be allowed to eat it, only kids" I have been working with him on healthy eating he doesn't like it much.

Aww yes my children and conversations. They make me laugh and giggle. 

Summer in the Winter

and so it begins...

We are officially a Soccer family. Grace had her first soccer practice yesterday through an organization called upwords. Her coach seemed nice and best of all made it all fun and weaved Christ in the practice.
We took the whole family to the first practice and it was sort of mess so we will be looking for a sitter for at least Titus since he doesn't quite understand boundaries quite yet. I gave the kids on the sidelines a speech on supporting our family and being there and that this wasn't about them or playing at the park but cheering Grace and being there for her. It is something I believe is important in our family because with the kids so close in age they all fight to be number one. Thank the Lord we are diving into this slowly I can only imagine what it will be like when all of them are into an activity. YIKES!

Learning to ride

Grace has been working on learning to ride her bike on two wheels. Watching her yesterday I realized how we take for granted this accomplishment. She wanted to be able to do it in one day, without practice and without learning to balance. It was a good lesson in perseverance. She got to the point where Daddy would let go and she would make it about four peddles. I think these sort of lessons are not only for the child but that God gives them also for the parent as in Myself. I always wondered why my Dad used his kids in his sermons growing up, now I know.

Old as Indians

Grace is learning about Indians in History I suppose that is what led her thinking in this conversation she and I had before bed this week.

This was too good not to share. Putting Grace to bed Grace says "I get to have chick fil a tomorrow yay!" looking over at her whiled I rubbed Jonah I said " I wish I could have some too." Grace paused "because they didn't have schools when you were little" me trying not to be offended that my child just referred to me as old "am I really that old?" I asked. Grace exclaimed  "not as old as the Indians that is Daddy!

Now it is a pretty well known fact that I am actually older than my husband but obviously Grace doesn't care or doesn't realize that quite yet. It's ok really, hearing her call her Dad old was priceless. I thought I would have to wait until she was at least ten but nope. I will have to remember to thank her for the laugh.

Dear Jonah

Grace had a thankfulness writing assignment for school. Her letter was so sweet.

Dear Jonah,
I want to thank you for being my brother. I want to thank you for playing with me after school. I want to thank you for giving me presents, love Grace F.(that is what she is called in school)

21 days of stress

People keep mentioning to me these are the best times of my life. If what they say is true God help me, after this weekend if THIS is the best man Lord just send down your chariot now and take me to paradise.

February has not been a good month for this family. Eric had his procedure at the beginning of the month, then colds came on and you know they last a while, I mean there is seven of us that the germs have to make miserable. If each of us is sick for a minimum of three days that is 21 days total. This past weekend takes the cake. It started with Jonah and then spread like wild fire. Fevers, coughs, aches, chills, snot, lots and lots of snot. First it came on me, then on Eric, the dreadful germs, the headache, the pain of moving, the pain of sound all the while seeing to the needs of five kids six and under. Now chaos ensues on a good day, I will leave it to your imagination for what this weekend was like. Parenting and sickness don't mix.

So let me end with this, if you see me don't say this is the best time of my life, I just might slap you and I am not prone to violence, I have a hard enough time killing hornworms on my tomato plants.

A lesson from Grace

I came in one night to tuck Grace into bed. To my surprise she sat there on her bed with her Father's large Bible sitting on her lap. I asked what she was doing thinking her reply probably was a homework assignment or something her Teacher asked her to do. "I'm just reading," she said "I wanted to read about Moses." I think my heart leapt for joy. My little first grader was reading the word of God on her own free will!

Her new faith in Christ is teaching me so many things in my own relationship with the Lord. To desire him more, to trust him with my whole self, to walk day by day with our savior and to show Christ to others. Much like Grace I also became a Christian at an early age and looking back it has been hard to pin point a life changing moment like a lot of Christians I know have. My testimony is not dramatic. Watching Grace is like God giving me the gift of seeing what my conversion might of looked like. Now that I am in my 30's it is harder to remember growing in Christ in my younger days except for that one moment playing hide n seek with my brother when I asked Jesus into my heart. That memory has lasted. That moment was life changing and even though it is not something that gets wows and exclamations when told, I now see the awe inspiring work God has gradually done in my life, just as he is doing for my daughter. That is a treasure!

What is in the toilet stays in the toilet

I have a problem. My kids leave the toilet seat up. My 14 month old Titus loves to play in the toilet. So far all types of things have been found floating toys, food, and my personal favorite dog food which when soggy resembles poop. This week though Titus took my sneakers and you guessed it gave them a bath in the toilet. Now I guess I could wash and wear them but it grossed me out so much that I threw them out. I mean really no one would notice but I would know and just feel gross. So needless to say I will be purchasing a new pair of shoes because what I find in the toilet stays there!

The Haircut

Grace has been growing her hair since birth minus a few trims a long the way. Over the holiday weekend we took her to get it cut since she has been asking for a hair cut since she started first grade. It turned out nicely and she is caring for it a lot better.

Grace is enjoying first grade. She is also looking forward to playing soccer this Spring. It has been fun watching her grow in her faith and set a good example to her siblings. She is a treasure.

The twins at three...

I am not sure if easier is the right word to use but things are definitely better now that the twins are able to speak in sentences. New challenges abound like fighting, competition, potty training, eating meals and other rather daunting issues. One thing is for sure Micah and Kerith are VERY different and for that I am very thankful but they do have one thing in common and that is they love their mom A LOT. So much so they won't go to Children's Church anymore. It's been the one challenge that has Eric and I both scratching our heads. They are well behaved as they participate in the adult service both cuddle up to me and let me rub their heads. I have to admit I am starting to treasure the moments even if it sort of takes my mind off the sermon. Seeing Micah try to sing praise and worship has been priceless, and watching Kerith try to take notes with her pencil has been another memory I will treasure. 

Their current favorite game is Mom and Dad. They usually fight over who gets to be Eric. Nice huh? I guess my job is not glamorous enough for a three year old.

Kerith's favorite saying is "I am not hearing it" she picked it up from me. I say it to the kids when they are tattling on each other. Micah's new word is actually which comes out as "axually" and everything is "axually mom..."

don't worry I haven't forgotten the rest of the kids I'll update them as well. I know you want to hear all the funny stories I have. I have many. Lots of blackmail...

Snow!!!

We finally had our first snow fall. Even though it was only a couple inches we still had a bit of fun.

Jake had some fun too.

Taylor not so much.

Capturing Carissa

Head on over to my new blog for my photography and weight loss journey. capturing carissa Of course A table for eight is still my main blog where I will continue to post about daily life and the kids. I thought I could use the page feature to journal here but didn't like the format so I just decided to have a blog devoted to pictures and weight loss.

The Spiritual Detox

Lately everything on my facebook friends list has been about people detoxing. Seems everyone is on a detox diet this new year. I am always struck that people go to such great lengths to rid their body of waste. With the new year everyone is making those healthy resolutions myself included although mine are a little less taxing.
I wonder how often we detox our spiritual body? I wonder if we have the same focus and determination to eliminate the toxins that stand between us in our relationship with Christ. I wonder if we are even aware of what those toxins are?

The answer is easy for myself. I do not detox spiritually enough. I am thankful that the Holy Spirit brought it to mind as I was reading facebook(see some good things come from facebook!) now I can be in prayer and ask God what toxins I need to get rid of.  I often put an emphasis on outward appearance when my heart and mind really need the overhaul. I like what Ephesians 4:17-32 has to say in The Message.

The Old Way Has to Go

 ^17-19And so I insist—and God backs me up on this—that there be no going along with the crowd, the empty-headed, mindless crowd. They've refused for so long to deal with God that they've lost touch not only with God but with reality itself. They can't think straight anymore. Feeling no pain, they let themselves go in sexual obsession, addicted to every sort of perversion.  ^20-24But that's no life for you. You learned Christ! My assumption is that you have paid careful attention to him, been well instructed in the truth precisely as we have it in Jesus. Since, then, we do not have the excuse of ignorance, everything—and I do mean everything—connected with that old way of life has to go. It's rotten through and through. Get rid of it! And then take on an entirely new way of life—a God-fashioned life, a life renewed from the inside and working itself into your conduct as God accurately reproduces his character in you.
 ²⁵What this adds up to, then, is this: no more lies, no more pretense. Tell your neighbor the truth. In Christ's body we're all connected to each other, after all. When you lie to others, you end up lying to yourself.
 ^26-27Go ahead and be angry. You do well to be angry—but don't use your anger as fuel for revenge. And don't stay angry. Don't go to bed angry. Don't give the Devil that kind of foothold in your life.
 ²⁸Did you use to make ends meet by stealing? Well, no more! Get an honest job so that you can help others who can't work.
 ²⁹Watch the way you talk. Let nothing foul or dirty come out of your mouth. Say only what helps, each word a gift.
 ³⁰Don't grieve God. Don't break his heart. His Holy Spirit, moving and breathing in you, is the most intimate part of your life, making you fit for himself. Don't take such a gift for granted.
 ^31-32Make a clean break with all cutting, backbiting, profane talk. Be gentle with one another, sensitive. Forgive one another as quickly and thoroughly as God in Christ forgave you.

Weekly Health Check In: Week 1

I am trying to get back exercising and have been doing the Wii Active 2 9 week challenge. So far my goals are to burn 1,000 calories a week and work out 4-5 days a week. Week one goal accomplished.I've got to get some motivational things on my blog for this. To say it's a struggle is an understatement having a metabolism disorder AND pituitary tumor doesn't make it easy. Easy to gain five times harder to lose. Yeah I am not fat for overeating and being lazy. Imagine that? If I get a little venty in my blog I'm sorry. I plan to use my blog in the coming year at least once a week to write about my journey and it's sure not going to be all green grass and butterflies, I am sure there will be spiders and weeds a long the way. One way or another I plan to be lapping everyone on the couch no matter how slow I go.