In my life I have struggled with how I process words. Without body language and seeing a person it is really hard for me to get a read on what a person is saying. First it was infertility then miscarriage and now it is weight loss. I never thought my weight loss journey would be an area people would find things to say that would have a negative impact on me but I was wrong. I also realize that although the intent of some words are meant to encourage and build up they also can have the opposite affect. Yes, I am considered morbidly obese, I get that but it is one thing for me to say it and another for someone else to point it out. I don't need to be reminded how far I need to go. I don't need to be given pointers unless asked for. I need cheerleaders. I need cheers. Recently the comment "You must be feeling better" has seemed to pop up on numerous occasions and from numerous people. Now I know people have not intended to cause pain but let me share with you how I interpret that comment and it goes in like this "I'm glad you are finally doing something about how fat you are" I get that they have no idea how my mind processes things like this or maybe they do I am not sure but I am giving them the benefit of the doubt. The vulnerability I have right now dealing with my abuse issues is hard enough, the changes in my looks seem to be making me a bit more touchy and that comment doesn't take me anywhere I want to go. Was I a fat miserable person? I don't think I was or am. Do I have baggage. Yes what person doesn't. The losing weight battle has gone on for years, I've been trying for years and comments like "you must be feeling better" only remind me of my failure and the past. A simple you go girl would be perfectly fine. Cheerleaders cheer to keep their team moving and motivated, the cheers don't bring up the past only the future and what they know their team is capable of: Winning.
