Stressfully exhausted

I don't have a lot of exciting things to write about. It's mostly the same. Not much change since my last post. Still living with my parents in central Texas while Eric works in San Antonio. Still don't have the Illinois house on the market. That has been one stress after the other. If you think about it pray for us. Our whole living situation revolves around the house being rented. I have been fighting a lot of my depression symptoms again and my family around me fails to understand that. The one person in my life, my husband, who understands me, and loves me through all my issues is gone and in a lot of ways he is the glue that holds me together. It's hard to remain focused and encouraged right now. I feel pulled in every direction imaginable. The expectations of family members is tough to deal with. Sharing my opinions seems to do more damage than good which is why I am here writing. I need a space, my own space. My own environment where I can freely express how I feel and what I am dealing with without the fear of angry rebuttal or hurting someones feelings. My expectations have not been met and that makes me angry. We've been here 4 weeks and our house still sits empty and not on the market because of issues with the property management company. Yeah it is probably all trivial things to you but it's ok. The recent events of my life have been intensely stressful on me, to the point this week I thought I might check into a mental hospital. I am exhausted. I am tired of stepping on toes, real toes. I am in a valley. I suppose I am learning whatever God is trying to get me to learn. Servanthood maybe? I am not sure yet. One thing is for sure change and I aren't friends and I am a lot weaker than I thought. I don't mean that to be negative but as factual. I am an intense introvert who thrives on space and is easily exhausted by external things. Eric and I got to spend a night in a free hotel together this past weekend. We had an appointment for our design for the house we are building(which is another thing that if the house in Illinois doesn't rent we will lose the house we are building) I was asleep by 8. I can't think of another time I had been so exhausted except right after the twins were born. Hopefully not to much longer here. I am so eager to get an apartment or something and be a family and start exploring our new home town but until the house in IL is rented well we are stuck. I am closing it out. It's Sunday night and I only have a few more hours with Eric before he wakes me up early in the morning to say goodbye for the week. Monday's always require lots of coffee.

A lesson from Grace

I came in one night to tuck Grace into bed. To my surprise she sat there on her bed with her Father's large Bible sitting on her lap. I asked what she was doing thinking her reply probably was a homework assignment or something her Teacher asked her to do. "I'm just reading," she said "I wanted to read about Moses." I think my heart leapt for joy. My little first grader was reading the word of God on her own free will!

Her new faith in Christ is teaching me so many things in my own relationship with the Lord. To desire him more, to trust him with my whole self, to walk day by day with our savior and to show Christ to others. Much like Grace I also became a Christian at an early age and looking back it has been hard to pin point a life changing moment like a lot of Christians I know have. My testimony is not dramatic. Watching Grace is like God giving me the gift of seeing what my conversion might of looked like. Now that I am in my 30's it is harder to remember growing in Christ in my younger days except for that one moment playing hide n seek with my brother when I asked Jesus into my heart. That memory has lasted. That moment was life changing and even though it is not something that gets wows and exclamations when told, I now see the awe inspiring work God has gradually done in my life, just as he is doing for my daughter. That is a treasure!