Lately I have been reflecting on what happened to our family three years ago. Three years ago my sister was raped. One of the greatest acts of injustice I had ever experienced happened when she was charged with falsifying a report, arrested, booked, sent to jail, and given her punishment. Despite all the physical evidence, despite everything, some person was out to reclaim their position amongst the police force and wanted to prove a point. My sister chose to move on and not fight.
There is always a lot of questions when I tell this story. People want to know the reasons, the what's, the how's and the why's. I don't have any answers. All I can say is this painful event, this time that was excruciatingly painful as a family has become a part of my Jesus story and that the last three years have led me deeper into knowing Who God is. I have been reminded of the story of Joseph in Genesis. The beating, being sold into slavery, he suffered much injustice and yet told his brothers.
Genesis 50:19-21
19 But Joseph said to them, “Do not fear, for am I in the place of God? 20 As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today.21 So do not fear; I will provide for you and your little ones.” Thus he comforted them and spoke kindly to them.
The part that struck me was the part where he says "But God meant it for good, to bring it about that many people should be kept alive, as they are today." Gradually, ever so sweetly God placed a mirror over my heart showing me through various circumstances, a move from Illinois to Texas, having our car broken into and my beloved camera stollen, living a part from my husband while we waited for renters for our home in Illinois, but most of all my sisters rape. He guided me through a very tough inner struggle with self-righteousness, with pride, with anger, with my sin that was eating away at me like cancer. He used this unbearable time in my life to show me my own sin to keep me alive. He never accused, never was condescending, He was ever loving, ever sweet, ever so gentle, continuing His work in my heart. It was painful. Very painful.
I remember sitting in the court room that day as my sister stood before the Judge taking her punishment that she did not deserve, thinking none of us fit in here. These are people that deserve to be punished for their actions and Christ slowly turned that mirror in on me whispering "and is your sin much different?" The answer was "no." That my self-righteous self was just as disgusting to God. That the anger I harbored as I cried for justice was just as damaging. My heart broke at the reality of my sin. I remember the judge asking her "Do you understand your punishment?" punished for a crime where she was the victim. A picture Jesus would use in my heart as a deeper realization took place of how Jesus took my punishment upon that cross, no crime of His own, only mine. Never because of my goodness because I wasn't good. There wasn't a single ounce of goodness in my body. Only because Jesus is my Savior. My God. My Ruler. Because of his amazing Mercy I can live in the freedom He gives in the knowledge that my sins are FORGIVEN!
I still don't quite grasp that all sin is equal in the eyes of God. I still struggle with self-righteousness, I still battle pride, and I would be lying if I said I had perfected forgiveness and the list could go on. I had always known that God uses our sufferings. In Romans 8:28 it says,
"and we know that for those who love God all things work together for good,h for those who are called according to his purpose. "But never did this verse become more real until this time in my life. The good that happened was that God used this painful time in my life for my good in making me more like Him and for His GLORY! To Love Him more, to Worship Him more, to Surrender my self to him daily. To Redeem, To Restore, To Free me of the chains that enslave me.
It is my prayer that as I share this story, God will use it for his Glory. It is only through him I can write this and lift my hands in worship with Hope and Praise Him for the work he has done in my life. What happened to my sister was awful and hideous, but I thank Him because He brought HIS GOOD through painful, tragic circumstances and I hope you see His Glorious Image.
