Now I want you to know, brothers and sisters,[b] that what has happened to me has actually served to advance the gospel. As a result, it has become clear throughout the whole palace guard[c] and to everyone else that I am in chains for Christ. And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear. Philippians 1:12-14 NIV.What I have dealt with, these troubles and heartbreaks have served a greater purpose of breaking me, of solidifying my faith, in learning to trust with all my heart.
A few years ago when my sister was raped and then punished for the crime where she was the victim. My faith was shaken. Shaken in a way I had never experienced before. Shaken to the point where I thought about leaving the Church all together. Gossip raged throughout friends and family, people were more eager to learn the details than they were of grieving with me. Grieving with my family, grieving with my sister. I couldn't understand. This Church, these people who claimed Jesus, was this the love they had? Was this all there was to this faith? Was this how they treated ALL people, even the ones who never experienced Church, who had never experienced Jesus?
Suddenly God took me from a person inside the Church to a person on the outside looking in, watching the people and walking away. I didn't want to have anything to do with these people. They didn't offer love, they certainly weren't offering grace, and there was no compassion. No wonder there was no one opening the door and coming inside. Jesus broke me. I was looking into a mirror. Those people inside the Church, the ones I was walking away from, they were visions of myself. Oh the lesson of grace. Oh the lesson of mercy and compassion.
I know God is not finished with me yet. I know I have a long way to go. I do thank him for this time of hardship. This time of restoration. As Christ has broken my heart he is RESTORING me. Taking the Pharisee out and pouring more of himself. What happened with my sister is heartbreaking yet even with the broken God has taught me more about his grace, more about his love, and more about what he desires from me.
I want to report to you, friends, that my imprisonment here has had the opposite of its intended effect. Instead of being squelched, the Message has actually prospered. All the soldiers here, and everyone else, too, found out that I’m in jail because of this Messiah. That piqued their curiosity, and now they’ve learned all about him. Not only that, but most of the followers of Jesus here have become far more sure of themselves in the faith than ever, speaking out fearlessly about God, about the Messiah. - Philippians 1:12-14 The Message
