I told God a lot of things in my life mostly things like God please never_____. God please never allow me to marry someone younger than I( I did) . God please never allow me to marry an Army man ( again I did) . God please never allow me to go into ministry. Oh and many more things in my young life that God saw fit to say "I am the master planner not you."
You see that last one God please never allow me to go into ministry. Yeah, that is a big one. You see I lived a life with a family in ministry growing up. My Dad was a Pastor for the first 13 years of my life then switched to becoming a Full time missionary to the military. I know what that life is like and wanted no part of it. I especially know what that life is like for someone like myself who is quiet and introverted, who prefers to watch and ponder. It wasn't fun for me as a pastors kid. There were many expectations I could not lived up to, many circumstances I had no control over that left me scarred and ashamed for not being enough and so I quickly shut out any possibility that God could call me, use me, do anything with me for his kingdom even though that is what my heart longed for.
Fast forward to this past year during one of my first Church services at our new Church, Harvest Bible Chapel San Antonio, my Pastor brought his Bible with him to the stage, the one with his name engraved on it (One of our Church missions and passions is church planting so it is a tradition of sorts to pass the Bible with the sending Pastors name on it onto the Pastor who is being sent to plant the new Church.) and said something to the like "one day I will be handing off this Bible to one of you." On that day the Holy Spirit washed over me and quietly whispered "that will one day be your husband." I remember looking over at Eric sitting next to me thinking "huh?" I haven't had many expereinces like this. I mean seriously I am a huge skeptic. The queen of doubt, the queen of saying "yeah right!". I put it in the back of my head not really thinking much of it because really it wasn't even Eric's radar so I had nothing to worry about. I also remembering asking God to never...
About two weeks ago Eric asked if we could talk. We were on our way up to my sisters graduation which is a three hour trip so he knew we'd have time to talk. Well as much talking one couple can do with five kids in the back of the van. He calmly told me that during the sermon on Sunday he felt God nudging him to ministry maybe even full time ministry. Of course the wife who told God NEVER was like WHAT? SERIOUSLY? We just got settled after moving from Illinois and you are discerning God calling you to change careers? Let me say that again YOU. ARE. WANTING. TO. CHANGE. CAREERS. We NEVER discussed this in pre-marital counseling. I didn't yell, out loud anyway. I just sat calmly in the passenger seat of the car thinking...stewing...maybe the thought of jumping did cross my mind. This wasn't in our 5 year plan, or 10 year plan, or even 50 year plan. This just came one day.
After the initial shock wore off and it did take a few days. I told him my story about sitting in that service and how the Holy Spirit came over me. He thought I was joking at first then I brought it up again and I told him that it was no joke and with that I could see his heart fill. Now don't get the idea that Eric and Carissa have gone all looney toons believe me we kinda already are. This is very serious to us and I don't want my writing to suggest anything but the power of God in changing my heart on the matter of going into ministry. Changing my heart from a "Are you serious, Lord?" to an exciting anticipataion of what God is doing in our lives. God doesn't need me to answer his call, he doesn't need me at all but he does require obedience and I tremble at the thought of not obeying. Of telling him no Lord I can't do this. It's too uncomfortable, it's too much of a sacrafice, it's too crazy, it's not for me, the craziest thought being that this was some how about me. HA! oh I was full of excuses and he, the God who fashioned me this way, the quiet introverted, awkward, shy girl, had an answer to every one. The one who told God OH NEVER! NEVER ME! was EXCITED about this journey whatever and wherever he leads.
I(we) don't know the details of where God is leading our family but I do know that God has given us this desire to seek his will, not out of duty or obligation, but out of a passion to see God's kingdom grow and out of our love for our Savior. This is the miracle God is working in our lives and we appreciate the prayers as we seek to honor him and to obey his leading. Pray we will not rush or fall behind him but go step by step with him answering him obediently.
