My Aj,
It's almost that time of year of your birth into heaven and although you are never far from my thoughts this time of year can bring back memories. Beautiful memories, painful memories, bittersweet memories. Memories all about you. It has been almost eleven years since God gave us the spectacular answer to prayer, the precious miracle of your little life. We sought God for you, we obeyed James 5 and asked our Pastor and Elders to anoint us with oil and pray over us. We got down on our knees crying out to God to open my womb. He answered by giving us you. The perfect gift of life. We went through so many valleys. So much loneliness. We were conquerors of this thing called infertility.
We dreamed of you, we made plans with you, we trusted God with your life. The life that we briefly came to know on this earth. Your life. The life that reminds me time and again that this earth is not my home. God has used your little life to teach me so much about compassion, about grief, about love, about reaching out to others and most of all about Him. It has taken a while, 10 years, and I am just now able to lift my hands in worship and thank Him not just for you living, not just for the few weeks we had as a family but also for his plan of taking you back to heaven with Him. There is no timetable for grief, no time timetable for God for He is always doing something greater in the darkest circumstance. I have learned in darkness, in death, in the hurt, is where He restores, He resurrects, He rebuilds, He revives.
You wouldn't think it now with three brothers and two sisters that your Dad and I ever went through a time where we didn't know if we'd even have children. People are always shocked when they hear our story and he has made you my Aj a part of that story and for that I am so thankful. You are already dancing and rejoicing in the Glory of Heaven worshipping with the other people that now call Heaven home. You have the most wonderful freedom anyone could ever fathom sitting at our Jesus' feet. I do love to picture you there and it brings me such HOPE. Your little life made such an impact on me. Your little life was used to bring me closer to our God and I can finally say Thank You Jesus for the pain, for the darkness, for the grief for with all of it He has shown me there is always LIFE with Christ. Circumstances may prevent us from seeing life but if we look close we will find it, if we walk close to Christ we WILL FIND it.
This is just a glimpse of how you are a part of our story, my story.
The story that started April 22, 2004
when you were born into the arms of Jesus. You are a precious gift and forever remembered by your Mom and I cannot wait for the day when I get to meet you in person.
