One Wednesday morning after dropping off the kids at school a song by Building 429 came on the radio called Where I belong the words of the first verse struck me hard.
Sometimes it feels like i'm watching from the outside Sometimes it feels like i'm breathing but am I alive I will keep searching for answers that aren't here to find
All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong
How many times in my life have I felt that I don't belong. Way to many. How many times have I felt recently that I don't belong? WAY to many. You see I hold rather strong convictions about certain things such as drinking alcohol. Often times even in the midst of Christian friends who love Christ as much as I do my convictions leave me feeling like an outsider, like I don't belong. It makes me sad that my convictions on drinking which in short are not to partake or be around alcohol period seem to be much more of an issue amongst my Christian friends. How often am I told drinking is not wrong. How often do I have to defend a conviction God has GIVEN ME. If he has not given you the same conviction I have no issue but for me and my personal walk with Christ alcohol is a stumbling block. It's temptation. It's scary. It's terrifying.
Why is it all those things? In short I have never seen alcohol used in a manner but destruction. Alcoholism runs rabid in my family line from Uncles to Grandparents. Time has yet to erase the memories of extended family members getting liquored up and rubbing their sexually aroused bodies against my own body in what was called a family embrace. Memories like that one arouse anger within me and most people will never know WHY. They are quick to judge, quick to tell me what the Bible says about drinking and quick to never find out why I feel the way I do. How many times have I been called a hypocrite and quoted Matthew 7:3-5
3 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? 4 How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? 5 You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.
Why is it SO terribly hard for Christians to respect a fellow believers conviction? Oh no doubt I am the worst hypocrite and a heathen and oh so thankfully saved by the blood of Christ Jesus. I am no better than anyone and do not claim to be. It could be that Christ has given me this conviction to keep me feeling like an outsider, like I don't belong because I am NOT home YET.
Sometimes it feels like i'm watching from the outside Sometimes it feels like i'm breathing but am I alive I will keep searching for answers that aren't here to find
All I know is I'm not home yet
This is not where I belong
Take this world and give me Jesus
This is not where I belong
Disclaimer: If you hold the view that drinking is ok please do not take offense. This is MY view.
