Yeah I am a goober

Last night before bed there was a news commercial on about when the live coverage of the royal wedding would start. I just happened to mention to Eric that I needed to set the DVR and he looked at me Are you serious? he asked. The man has been married to me for almost nine years and has known me for almost twelve you would think he would realize by now he married a women who is completely in love with love and current events. He also knows of my love for Julie Lessman novels so I am really not sure where his mind was and why it was so surprising that I wanted to watch the wedding. Just because my attire is mostly sweats, t-shirts, and no make-up I am and always will be a girl who loves romance. So come on confess what romantic thing do you love? I really want to indulge with someone...Will you be watching the Royal Wedding?

Infertility Myth Busters

Resolve is hosting a Myth Busters for National Infertility Awareness Week and I thought I would address a myth or two. There are many myths I could write about your to young to be worried about having kids yeah heard that ALOT! Just relax and you'll get pregnant um no amount of relaxing is going to cure my PCOS. I know what you are thinking Carissa you have five kids what on earth are you writing about infertility for? You see that statement seems to be the biggest myth of all. Sure I am a Mom now but it doesn't mean my infertility still doesn't affect me. For one PCOS(Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome) is a constant health concern, there is no cure. Not only does it make getting pregnant hard it also increases the risk of miscarriage and diabetes. And if those things aren't enough some women with PCOS have to deal with gross things like hairy bodies, skin tags, acne, and weight issues FOREVER! The weight issues and hair part are my favorite. I mean because I want to be like my husband and shave me face. Putting all attempts at humor aside, the bottom line is PCOS is a lifelong condition and the myth that once you have a child or two cures you from infertility is completely false.

Garden Planting

Our raised beds are coming a long beautifully. I am so proud of Eric, he has become such a handy husband to have. I planted some early plants this morning cucumbers, chives, cilantro, basil and oregano. I cannot wait until my tomatoes, peppers and cucumbers are ready to eat! YUMMO! Fresh salsa, fresh salads, oh my! My mouth is watering all ready.

The little fellow is Jake. Remember him? The guy who ran away from home then came back a month later. Obviously  my beds have a mix of soil and mulch.

Dance Party

Yes it's true I am still in love with New kids on the Block. I know, I know, I am way to old for that. My love affair started when I was ten when I heard Joey sing "Please don't go girl". Oh my! I still get flutters thinking about it. I love a good boy band just as I love a good teen romance movie. I suppose it is what keeps me young at heart. I still enjoy turning the music up loud in the car and I admit I have taught my kids to shake their booties. Matter of fact our booty shaking dance parties seem to one of the kids favorite activities. I wonder if that is why Kerith sings "Jingle Bells" at the top of her lungs while we are in the car. I hope I am able to have more dance parties with my kids. I love to dance with them as much as they love to dance with me. Dance parties are the best funk breaker especially if you turn some Toby Mac up loud! So turn the music up loud, shake your booty, wiggle and jiggle, you are guaranteed to have a blast. I also guarantee your kids will shake their booty at an inappropriate time in the future. Ask me how I know...

An Easter we will remember

 It seems my family has more than a fair share of illnesses this year. I don't think we have had a sick free month since Titus was born. The kids were sorely disappointed because their Easter celebration was postponed due to throwing up and fevers. Not only that but it came at the heels of a very rocky weather weekend. We spent good Friday hanging out in the basement while tornadoes touched down all around us. The local channels had weather coverage on their were reports of large tornadoes on the ground. Next we heard a tornado had hit the St. Louis airport. I am not sure anyone was ready to see the destruction that Saturday morning daybreak brought. It reminded me of a tornado that hit close to my hometown an ef-5 tornado that wiped out neighborhoods and took many lives. However with these storms no one has been reported badly hurt or dead! The weather guys keep saying they don't know how it is possible but we know WHO controls these things. God! I saw people who have nothing left but the clothes of their backs and each other. That puts my whole sickness complaints into perspective.

Feedback and a Thank You!

I am humbled that so many of you have emailed me to say how my blog postings have been ministering to you. In no way shape or form am I a writer so I know that everything is credited to God. While I am writing, often one handed, I often wonder if I am being to open and honest. It is good to know that God has used my honesty and vulnerability for his purpose. I so appreciate those little notes you send. They encourage me and usually come at a time when I need them. Again a God thing no doubt.
You guys rock!

My Story Part 2

It was a bright sunny April day. April 22nd to be exact. The birds were singing, all of God's marvelous creation was in bloom and I was off to my Doctors office for a check up on our baby.  My heart was anxious, I had been so sick the very first weeks of the pregnancy and now was feeling better. I remember it very clearly. The day was spectacular. I waited several minutes in the waiting area before my name was called, Eric was with me and we were placed in a boring white room with a bunch of medical equipment.

The ultrasound started ok. I mean how many times do you get to prop up your legs in stirrups and have an internal ultrasound? The answer A LOT when you are dealing with infertility and getting treated. The Doctor was very silent. I heard her clear her throat and say " I am sorry Carissa but there is no heartbeat. It looks as though the embryo died around seven weeks." Embryo. Died. My baby was dead and to the Doctor all he was was an embryo. So cold, so matter-of-fact, so unsympathetic. In the following few minutes she filled me in on my choices and gave me my orders. I spent 36 hours knowing I was carrying my dead baby inside my womb before my miscarriage started. It started about an hour before my surgery was scheduled to remove the baby.

I woke up from anesthesia with the most empty feeling. The numbness I had been feeling was starting to turn into anger. I was angry at the world and angry at God. I felt betrayed. Here my husband and I went before him asking for healing and he took my baby! What kind of God was he? My bitterness grew and I fell into a very dark place. This world did not care if I lost my baby. I heard many comments " There will be others", " Your are still so young", "Better now than later in the pregnancy." The world treated me as if I should just move on, move on like they were, but I wasn't moving on. How could I? My baby was gone. The baby I so desperately prayed for, the baby I begged God for time and time again. I remember yelling "Where are you God!!" many times. The people that claimed they loved me were nowhere to be found. Where was my comfort? Where were the people who were suppose to cry with me? Nowhere.

I can look back on that time in my life and see things that God provided. I was newly married and living in a new state and dealing with infertility and now the loss of my child. A friend sent me a link to an online community forum called Hannah's Prayer. At the time I did not know that one of the founders also shared something in common with how I grew up, she was also a MK(missionary kid) and not only that but her parents were missionaries with the same organization as my parents! Neato! The community has been a blessing to me. Fast forward almost 7 years and look what God has done. I just happen to be on the moderating team of Hannah's Prayer and not only that but I am honored to be a part of their new ministry launching April 25th called Held Yes God is amazing. He continues to turn my sorrow and pain into something that brings him glory!