Weight Loss Progress

In limbo

I don't know about you but I hate being in limbo. Where everything is stopped as you wait for the final decision. This is where my family is right now. Currently waiting to hear if we will be moving and relocating to Texas. I am praying we will hear soon, although we aren't expected to hear anything until later in the month. Everything is in limbo, if we go ahead and plan for the kids to go to their school it will be money lost, if we plan to homeschool and don't get the job then we lose the slots. Then there is the whole house situation and a slew of everything else. I need to remember to breathe. I don't do well in limbo. I never have ask my parents. This whole situation is eerily similar to one my husband took me on ten years ago right before we married.

He had just separated from the Army in May, no job but knew something awesome would come a long, and it did TWO weeks before we married in August he interviewed and AFTER we got back from our honeymoon he had an offer letter to come to Illinois.

This current showdown started back in May after returning from a trip to Texas. "Carissa I just feel God moving us" he said. Two weeks later his boss happens to mention to his boss that E was looking to relocate to Texas, less than forty eight hours later on our way to Texas for a family emergency E receives an email letting him know the hiring manager for the job in Texas would like to speak with him, less than forty eight hours after that an interview is set up and we just happen to be in Texas. He pretty much HAS the job but we have to wait and see IF the contract is accepted. The contract has technically already been accepted but someone messed up on the first one and forgot to put these 7 new positions one in which E interviewed for so they had to re-submit this time with E's resume included as well as six others. So we WAIT...and WAIT...

To be continued...hopefully sometime soon.

Nightmare

Oswald Chambers wrote “Before God can use a man greatly he must wound him deeply.” 

I've always known this to be true but this week I, along with my family were again wounded deeply. A young daughter, my little sister, a wonderful aunt was the victim of a violent sexual crime. Such news that knocks every word you have out of your mouth and only produces silence and groaning. Groaning only the Holy Spirit can interrupt for us. Such grief that leaves you curled in a ball weeping hysterically looking for ANY sign that God is still God.
Violated, wounded, helpless, heartbroken, and yet those terms do not come close to giving a clear picture of the pain. BUT...

There is ONE who knows and even if he feels so far away right now I KNOW he is HERE. 

^{Psalm 119: 49-50 
49} Remember your word to your servant
 for you have given me hope
 ⁵⁰ My comfort in my suffering is this: 
Your promise preserves my life.

You Lead, I'll follow

Oswald Chambers said, "Faith never knows where it is being led, but it loves and knows the One Who is leading."

There has been a lot of changes happening in our house lately. The changes started small with me stepping down from being a moderator from a forum I dearly love, then my weight loss journey started, then another small change and again another. The most recent is something I thought would never happen again and that is leaving Illinois. I have written about it numerous times how I have struggled with contentment here and written how God had given me what I needed to be content in all circumstances, things like snow and gardening had become my gifts.

I was content and happily looking forward to my five acres in the country and the little farm I had envisioned but my little world was disrupted last week when my husband told me he was updating his resume and posting it online. Lots of talking followed. Lots. The thought of uprooting my family scared me but the possibility of having the carrot dangled in front of me scared me more. You see we have had opportunities to move back to Texas a few times but never had felt peace about our decision so we turned down the positions. I groaned, moaned and even became angry at having to think about the possibility of moving to somewhere more desirable, somewhere like Texas, someplace where family was close.

I guess I don't need to say I have been desperately praying this week both hubby and I have. Two weeks ago moving wasn't even a speck on the radar but now it is a very real possibility. We are not sure what God is doing but we know for sure that he is doing something in our lives and we desire to obey him.

I know one thing for sure, I have seen evidence of God's leading looking back over our lives. Who puts their house up for sell in the worst market in housing history, finds out they are expecting, then finds out they are expecting twins and has the house sell three months later? Yes I have a big God and I do look forward to where God is going with this even if the ride keeps us here because I know no ride is pointless and there is always a lesson to learn.

Memorial Day!

This Weekend is Memorial Day weekend. I am trying very hard to instill in my kids love of country so during our Texas visit we got to visit Fort Hood which happens to be the area I grew up and also one the largest US military installations in the world. Ft. hood is also the place where hubby and I met.
Jonah and Micah besides a Japanese Tank.

 The kids and Dad wanted a picture of Daddy's military vehicle so they posed.

 Kerith loved this big truck she thought it was cool that she could stand under it.

Happy Memorial Day. I hope you find time to thank a service member for serving our country during your Memorial Day cookouts. We take much for granted in our country. God bless the USA.

Cheering

In my life I have struggled with how I process words. Without body language and seeing a person it is really hard for me to get a read on what a person is saying. First it was infertility then miscarriage and now it is weight loss. I never thought my weight loss journey would be an area people would find  things to say that would have a negative impact on me but I was wrong. I also realize that although the intent of some words are meant to encourage and build up they also can have the opposite affect. Yes, I am considered morbidly obese, I get that but it is one thing for me to say it and another for someone else to point it out. I don't need to be reminded how far I need to go. I don't need to be given pointers unless asked for. I need cheerleaders. I need cheers. Recently the comment "You must be feeling better" has seemed to pop up on numerous occasions and from numerous people. Now I know people have not intended to cause pain but let me share with you how I interpret that comment and it goes in like this "I'm glad you are finally doing something about how fat you are" I get that they have no idea how my mind processes things like this or maybe they do I am not sure but I am giving them the benefit of the doubt. The vulnerability I have right now dealing with my abuse issues is hard enough, the changes in my looks seem to be making me a bit more touchy and that comment doesn't take me anywhere I want to go. Was I a fat miserable person? I don't think I was or am. Do I have baggage. Yes what person doesn't. The losing weight battle has gone on for years, I've been trying for years and comments like "you must be feeling better" only remind me of my failure and the past. A simple you go girl would be perfectly fine. Cheerleaders cheer to keep their team moving and motivated, the cheers don't bring up the past only the future and what they know their team is capable of: Winning.

A Salvation Story

Our last night in Texas we had the most wonderful surprise, Jonah our five and half year old, gave his life to Christ. His Paw-paw had the privilege of praying with him and you could see the sparkle in his eyes. We had thought Jonah was getting close to making a decision about Jesus since he has been asking tons of questions about salvation and his older sister has been doing a fine job of witnessing to him. So on May 17th, 2012 we will now celebrate Jonah's birth into Christ. What an amazing gift. We look forward to watching what God has planned for his life.