What happened while I went potty

It isn't as big as the BP oil spill but it was bad enough. The one minute I had to excuse myself to the bathroom to relieve the need I'd been holding for the past hour while feeding Titus and seeing to the needs of Micah and Kerith was about to explode. I gave Micah and Kerith their bowl of cereal with milk, everyone was quiet so I dashed off to the bathroom. I am not sure of the train of thought that followed, I know who the ring leader was she's chewing on her foot right now and Micah is following(Yes his Dad and I will have to work with him so he doesn't get misled as a big kid). I am not sure if they confused the milk for water or what but this is what happened while I was in the bathroom.

My Story part 1.

April is Infertility Awareness month. Infertility and loss are a part of the journey God has given me. I will be sharing my story in the next few weeks with certain posts. My hope and prayer is that it will bring comfort to those hurting and a glimpse into the heart of who I am. I hope my story will bring glory to my Father in heaven.

Kids were always a part of Eric and my plan after we got married. I grew up in large family as did he and we both wanted at least three kids. I look back and think we were very naive. I started charting my cycles about a year after we were married and noticed I wasn't ovulating. Fast forward a few months and the diagnoses of PCOS(Poly Cystic Ovarian Symdrome), saw my OBGYN and she put me on clomid which in two cycles it was confirmed that I wasn't ovulating. Fast forward a little more and enter a Reproductive Endocrinologist or an RE he added some additional treatments. More drugs and shots. This wasn't a part of our plan. Having kids was suppose to be easy. You weren't suppose to have to plan sex, take medications and yes I mean more than one, and get shots! It was life changing. A stress on our marriage, a stress in our relationships with others.

In February of 2004 we decided to approach our elders and Pastor and have them pray and anoint us with oil as it says to do in James 5. I came before the Lord broken and humbled. Broken in spirit and broken in body.
Two weeks later I finally got my miracle. We found out we were pregnant with our first child. We were elated and couldn't wait to tell people. Finally! We would be parents but little did we know what God had in store for us. How little we knew.

Message in a Picture

This picture of Spring really touched me. I look at it and see a friend comforting another friend, an arm reaching out. For me it speaks volume how God speaks to our hearts through his creations. My heart ached for friends this week who have received heart breaking news I needed to be reminded of the comfort God gives. A comfort only he can bring. I think this photo will be framed with this verse underneath.

1 Corinthians 1:3-5
3-5All praise to the God and Father of our Master, Jesus the Messiah! Father of all mercy! God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too.

Carissa Uncensored

In all honesty today I am unhappy and heartbroken. Today I keep hearing those voices inside my head that tell me I am worthless, unloved, and unimportant. I feel judged, lost, and broken. I am trying hard to find a rainbow but at this point the clouds haven't cleared. Today I need to be reminded of my Creator.Today I need to be reminded of his love. I need to be in his presence and let him love on me. I need to jump in his lap and let his arms surround me. I need to see myself through his eyes. Oh how I need him. I am trying my best to hang on to his promises, trying to remember I am dearly loved and treasured. I want to indulge in something like chocolate or coffee to mask the pain but I know it isn't worth how I will feel later. I know that peoples actions did not intend to bring pain but it did and it made me feel like I still a girl on the outside looking in. How I long to be accepted and loved by others. How I long to be enough but the truth is I feel I am never enough. They are feelings and I know I am not to trust feelings but they are still there. My prayer today.

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me

More lyrics: http://www.lyricsmode.com/lyrics/h/hillsong_united/#share

A touch of Spring

A phone call from God

So I have lost my phone, my beautiful iphone that connects me to the rest of the world.I love it way to much and God has seen fit to take it from me. I am sure it is lost in the couch or put in some unknown place. I have to admit last night I was pretty upset and frustrated over it. Well to be truthful I was seriously frustrated over many things, sickness, husband, kids you name it. Everything was getting on my last nerve. I'm sure you've been there.
Fast forward to this morning I got kids ready for school, started dinner, loaded them in the car and what song pops on Francesca Battistelli's "This is the stuff" have you heard it? If not here are some of the lyrics to give you an idea of what the song is about.

I lost my keys in the great unknown
And call me please 'Cuz I can't find my phone

This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use

So right on point with my frustrations even has I drove behind someone going 5 mph UNDER the speed limit. Then these words struck me

 So break me of impatience
Conquer my frustrations
I've got a new appreciation
It's not the end of the world

Sigh. Yup that is what I needed. My prayer today that I can get past my frustration and not allow it to rob me of the blessings each day brings. By the way if you see my phone let me know.

Organizing Carissa

I admit I not good at organizing. I tend to be scatter brained and all over the place(tell me you haven't noticed!). I saw this posted on my facebook wall this morning! It is a must try for me. I long to be more organized.
Kitchen Command Center
From there I was inspired by the directions on how to create me a personalized dry erase board! SWEET! Now finding the time to put it all together will be fun. We have had a sick kid or two every day for the last two weeks.
I still have a craft table and raised beds for the garden on my to-do list. Well actually on Eric's to-do list. Yes I have him building furniture and garden things for me now. Hey I figure if his first project was a finished family room in the basement certainly he can handle a little building...right?